This week included a range of emotions. I felt everything from hope to despair, excitement to boredom, stress to joy, and so on! After so many months of heartache, I am having a difficult time letting myself feel excitement at all. Which is why I have already started the self-preservation process of talking myself out of the possible success of this month's IUI. I am fully convinced that the timing was off, so I really do not have high expectations for a positive outcome or a BFP (big fat positive), as used in "trying to conceive" lingo.
This week (Monday) started with an ultrasound. It showed that I have three very large eggs and many more smaller eggs, which is a GREAT outcome! The doctor called us in for an IUI the following morning (Tuesday), and instructed me to give myself the HCG shot Monday evening. Well, done and done. The IUI experience was terrific!...Nate's part in the experience was terrific as well!...the doctor said we both looked great and have a wonderful chance at conceiving this month. We were full of hope on Tuesday afternoon.
Then Wednesday mid-morning set in and I realized that I ovulated bit later than I think the doctor anticipated. So therefore, I'm fairly certain that we missed our chance (it is a small window of opportunity). But I'm not God...and we all know that He has ultimate power and is the ultimate Healer. So, all things are possible. And if a BFP comes out, we all know that He is the one who made it happen! (Amen.)
Aside from all of that, the stress of working two jobs, being on medicines that effect my hormones (and therefore, my moods), and many sleepless nights have taken its toll on me. I just keep praying to God for a breakthrough. We are desperately seeking Him to work in this. He is at work somewhere...and we know He will bless us someday.
Until the next update...
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