Nerves.

I am nervous. Test day is fast approaching. I feel like a lot if riding on this month being successful. Statistically, the chances of getting pregnant after this month decrease each month from here on. But, I know our God is not a God of statistics.

But most importantly, I am tired. My mind, body, and soul are all tired. This process has taken a toll on me and I just keep praying that it is over soon.

Nate and I have a lot of difficult decisions coming up over the next month, should this month not be successful. I am praying that God spares us those tough decisions and gives us a great blessing that we have been praying for!

There is a part of me that is just certain that this is the month. We have come too far to be pessimistic. We have far better of a God than to doubt His ability. The other (small) part of me wants to protect myself by continually finding reasons why I do not think I am pregnant. I am fighting that part of me and trying to find solace in the fact that God is good. Everything He does is good...even if I never am pregnant.

"When two of you get together on anything at all on earth and make a prayer of it, my Father in heaven goes into action..." Matthew 18:20 (The Message)

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PCOS Fact:
PCOS is the most common hormonal problem in women. It is a metabolic disorder that effects several body systems and can cause significant long-term health consequences. PCOS is often characterized by enlarged ovaries, with multiple small painless cysts or follicles that form in the ovary. It is the leading cause of infertility in women.
Source: http://projectpcos.org

IUI2

Well, on Wednesday, March 17, Nate and I went back to Jacksonville for IUI #2. We just returned from a rainy vacation, so the last thing we wanted to do was wake up at 5:30am to hit the road for Jacksonville, BUT it is what our doctor strongly recommended (after a Tuesday morning ultrasound).

So, he did another ultrasound and insisted that the timing was perfect. So, he gave me a small dose of an HCG shot (my body thanks him for the small dose...those shots take their toll on me!) and performed IUI #2. Thanks to the clomid, I had 3-4 good-sized eggs, and Nate's numbers were great, so the doctor (once again), had high hopes of a successful month for us. However, he did warn us that we only have 1-2 more tries with IUIs before we will need to turn to invitro fertilization (IVF). It was the first time that it really occurred to me that we are actually running out of chances. For the previous failed 15 cycles, I have told myself, "That's ok, we have many more chances..." but when he said that, I realized that we are running out of time. I can actually hear the clock ticking. So now, more than ever, I am asking for everyone's prayers. God is a miracle worker. He speaks life into existance. Please pray that he spares us the financial, spiritual, and physical pain of IVF and gives us the miracle of life before IVF is even an option.

As much as I would like to protect myself from the pain of crushed hope, I have decided that this month, I am going to put 100% faith in God and ignore the doubts that my mind creates. I am BELIEVING that this is the month. Another change I am making this month, is during the two week wait (the time after the IUI and before I can test for pregnancy), I am not allowing myself to count down the days. In fact, I have told Nate the date that I can test, and I am doing everything I can to forget what day of the month it is so I cannot obsess about symptoms, feelings, pains, etc that may or may not be associated with pregnancy.

Thanks for reading. As always, we appreciate all of the prayer and support we receive from our friends and family!
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PCOS Awareness - In case you are curious what PCOS is, I will try to include a "PCOS fact" in each blog. It is something that I went undiagnosed with for YEARS, and I would love to spare other women the pain of not knowing why they are struggling with infertility.

PCOS Fact:
The cause of polycystic ovarian syndrom (PCOS) is not fully understood, but genetics may be a factor. If you have PCOS, your sisters and daughters have a 50% chance of developing PCOS.

Close [but no cigar].

It wasn't our month. Perhaps March will be. And so begins the ultrasounds, the clomid, the hcg shot, the IUI...and the worst part of all...the waiting...

"I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Jesus Christ, is calling us." - Philippians 3:14