Hello fall.

I keep looking at the calendar and then doing a double-take. How is it October 1st already? Where has this year gone. Nate and I are anticipating our first wedding anniversary and busily making plans for a small getaway. I think we have decided on a short trip to the mountains (cost permitting).

This year has flown by, but not without its challenges. I never want people to think that Nate and I live a perfect life; even though it is completely blessed. Our marriage sets upon a solid foundation, one that, even if it shakes, we know will never crack. It is a safe haven for life's battles. The list of struggles we faced this year are small in number, but great in significance.

Lately, my life's theme has been "surrender." I have held on to so many dreams, considering them my prerogative, when in reality, my only prerogative is to love and be loved by a gracious God who WILL fulfill the desires of my heart (in His time). I like to tell myself that I am giving control to God, but I keep Him on a leash. My head says, "In God's time..." but my heart says, "...if God's time is SOON." The real test of the heart is if we love and trust God even if we never receive our dreams and desires. If I knew right now that I would never live my dream, would I still say, "I love you Lord and I will always worship You." I've been throwing that question around in my mind for the past two days because I honestly could not decide where my heart was on this matter. I am a big user of the word "BUT" and I throw it out to God a lot. "But...certainly You wouldn't do that to me," or "I love you, BUT please give me what I want." And every time I asked myself the question, I found myself saying, "But..."

And I feel over and over again that God was waiting for me to be able to say "I love you Lord and I will always worship You, EVEN if..." instead of, "But...." He has really been working on me in the last few months...and I am grateful for that!...I have a tendency of being very callous and cold, I think it is a personality thing, but it spills over into my relationship with God sometimes too. And just this morning, it clicked to me. And for the first time, in a LONG time, I could say, "God...I love You and I will always worship YOU, even if..."

Sometimes the biggest growth is in making a decision that goes against what your flesh wants because it is where your soul feels peace.